Project Manager

Yes, sometimes I happen to write in English.

Project Manager : « What have we got today ?”

Business Analyst : “Here are the specs. Customer’s sitting room temperature is 15°. He wants 23°”

PM : “Uh. Alright. I know a coal mining company. For sure they must know all about heating systems. Let’s hire them”

(Project run with pan-Galactictic Charcoal Inc Master of Universe Gmbh… Sprint #447. Day 2114. Project Ends)

PM : “Customer is unhappy. They had to throw away the sofa and the TV to make room for the brand new steam locomotive, and though, the temperature is still 18°. Budget is overspent. Let’s call the local heating guy immediately, he’ll fix the situation.”

(call. 5 minutes later.)

PM : “Can you make the temperature 23° as requested ? The locomotive only delivers 18°.”

Heating guy (call him Regis) : “Er… Have you tried a pellet stove ?”

PM : “Customer does not want that. Wants a locomotive to deliver 23°. Supplier is mining COAL, you know, COAL ! That’s big stuff ! COAL !!!”

H : “But… How to say… Wood pellets… This is quite like coal, just a little bit fresher…”

PM : “Yes but we want COAL !!!”

H : “Errrrrrrr… Okay… Let me try…”

(Project runs. Sprint #6. Day 18. Project ends)

PM : “Room temperature is 23°, but customer is still unhappy. What did you do ???”

H : “Errr… Well I removed the engine from the locomotive, replaced it by a charcoal stove. And to keep the desired temperature constant, I have isolated the house, though nobody mentioned. And by the way, since I had a spare one, I left a pellet stove in the room next door. Feel free to try it.”

PM : “Good. But customer is still unhappy.”

H : “Can you ask the Business Analyst to read the initial customer requirements ?”

BA : “Er….. I’m cold in my sitting room when I’m watching Game of Thrones”.

H : “Alright. I propose you to remove the locomotive, keep the coal stove, buy a new sofa and a new TV. And a DVD player, since GoT has finished.”

(Later on)

H : “What’s the news for the project ? Is customer finally happy ?”

PM : “Yes. Customer has bought sofa, TV and DVD.
And he moved them next door. Near your pellet stove.
I have two questions for you ”

H : “Yes ?”

PM : “Can you come and see my own locomotive ?”

H : “Er… Let me check my agenda first… Looks like a lot of people want pellet stoves these days. And what’s the other question ?”

PM : “Can you extract coal ?”

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